porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
