Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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