Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
