thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
