It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
