im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
