I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
