So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
