someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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