On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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