How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
