he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
