I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
