Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
