Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
