Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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