I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
