He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
