I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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