We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
