it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
