I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
