I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
