I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
