We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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