whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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