mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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