it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
