oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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