i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize