The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
