I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
