he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
