I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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