It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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