And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
