There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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