either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have fence marks all over my body
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
