So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
