You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
