Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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