for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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