youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
