your parents love me but you hate me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
