he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
