Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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