the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
