hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
