True but thats because hes a fetus.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
