Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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