Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
