dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
