i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
