I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
