Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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