I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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