tell your sister to shave her snatch
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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