I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
