Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
