come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
