Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
