She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
