So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
