Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
