You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
