did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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