all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
