Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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