You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
