it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
