thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Congratulations! We have a period
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
