Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
