carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize