This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
