Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
