last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize