Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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