he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
