He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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