Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The feeling are messing with the penis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
