no, he came in my armpit
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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