May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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