I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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