do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
