Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
