she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
