Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
