What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry about my life...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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