It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
