tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize