i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
