You made me cry and you don't even care
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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