My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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