Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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