I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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