11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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