I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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