Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize