i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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