508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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