I didn't shave. On purpose
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
