You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
